I'm taking a lil break from my essays (4800 words to go!) so thought I'd swing by and pop a journal entry in.

To sum up my last few days we will use the following equasion. Retail + Xmas = urgh!

Despite how much I appreciate the innovative methods by with T K Maxx delivers the goods globally, people do seem to treat the place like a giant jumble sale and the mess which ensues is left to we, the humble floor staff, to dash about after them. While a little mess is unavoidable in any shop, and a squide of 'recovery' inevitable, what happened over the christmas period was just down right eye rollingly crap. It is something myself and my floor manager have labelled 'Shop Rape'. Nietzsche commented that Christianity made a weak and pathetic human, he never had the privalige of observing the modern Western shopper. To top it all off, we have had the delight of Xmas jazz remixes being played through the festive period, which are traditional Christmas songs put to a dance tune. What results is a repetative tune, with the same lyrics being repeated constantly. Le sigh. I was almost delighted when one of the nightstaff put on her gangsta rap... almost.

One delight which shines through it all though is I've heard a wonderful song from Lenka called 'the Show' which is the only song played at work I actually look forward to coming on (ok and Mariah Carey's 'All I want for Christmas'). It sort of mirrors how I feel at the moment, I thought I'd be all sorted as the end of Uni approached, but I just find myself at the cortex of more possible and unknown variables in life. The video is also very awesome, the dancing fruit being my favourite moment :D



So big thanks to Lenka for saving my sanity!

My friend Craig came down from Glasgow today, it's the first time I have seen him since he moved away so it was good to catch up. Craig and I have not always been so close, but good friendships are built on lots of history, and I'd say I haven't made a better friend in all my 32 years on the planet. Outside my family, he is the only person who, when I talk to him, I feel like I am 'me'. We thrive on each others conversation and he listens to my crazy philosophies, which he can begin to understand as he is studying the subject too. I can't wait for him to catch up to Heidegger, then the real philosophsing will start! Craig taught me some valuble lessons in life, and was there for me at my lowest and highest. I had a thing for him at one point, but it wasn't to be and to both our benefits as we maintain a very good friendship. He thanked me today for convicing him to move out of Newcastle to go to Uni, it was my experience that I should have done that to get the whole University experience, and I passed this wisdom on to Craig, who is apparently having the time of his life, and I'm so chuffed for him.

We spoke about the whole gay thing as how it is percieved in modern times, it was interesting he said he was thinking of divorcing himself from the word 'gay' and using only 'homosexual' as a descriptive term for himself. He described how by calling himself 'gay', many of the new people he was meeting at Uni attatched a myriad of connotations to him, which has no bareing on his character at all. One even exclaimed "You're gay! That means we can go shopping together!"

*rolls eyes*

I think I will take his lead here, as I peer out in to what has evolved in to the gay lifestyle, it appeals to me like a razor blade sandwich, although I persist with it, 'no man is an island' as my Dad always said. I do prefer 'homosexual' myself, it points to a specific aspect of ones character, while 'gay' has been rolling in the mud for some time now and has picked up a lot of shit.

I visited a friends house this month for the first time since I met him in 1998, a significant visit for a few reasons. My friend was heading for his late 80s and had travelled the world. He had picked up all kinds of curios on his journeys, I had been told his house was more like a museum. I was expecting much clutter upon seeing his home, but it was surprisingly tidy and much of what he had collected seemed to be from his time in Japan. Such items like persian decanters, tapestries of epic Indian battles and a random photo of Jean Paul Sartre (?) filled up his large collection, however what stood out most what his love for Daruma, a sage who apparently had 'travelled from India to Japan on a banana boat', so I was told. There were several dozen of these Daruma about his house, each possessing it's own character, which appealled to me greatly, being such a fan of character. However it was apparent that my friend had been ill for some time, he had lost weight and ad a cold, which had worried his close friends, as he lives a while away from them. Being now nearly 80 and quite frail, there was worry for the worst, however a handful of people from the local gay men's group had agreed to travel up and visit him more often, which is nice to see community spirit within the gay sphere of activity, a sphere so often associated with hedomism and plastic-ness. It was strange giving my friend a hug goodbye after a wander in to town for dinner, which took a while as Alnwick seems to stop serving food after 2pm! Usually a broad chap, he had lost some weight and now his strapping shoulders felt sunken. I made a quiet wish that this spell of ill health was temporary, before my friend slips from this mortal coil I want him to write a book about his adventures! On a side note, I saw the most bizarre thing in Alnwick, the town had been done up with Christmas deco, as every town is right now. However on one building we had the illiminations of a giant spider crawling down from its web... hmm, yes Alnwick, Christmas spiders, this makes sense...



On the subject of local gay men's group, which I had associated myself with for a short time over the last few years, mainly to get some confidence, the logo I had designed for them had been of late transferred on to some commemorative mugs. It came out rather well, I think. I had a lot of faith in the group a while ago, considering it important as an 'alternative to the commercial gay scene', and I had tried to work on things to incorporate the group from its insular feel to more interactivity with the larger community with a more bold logo, developing a website and working on some art projects. This all, however, fell on deaf ears and I decided to spend my time elsewhere, which is a pity. I'm happy with the mug though.

head banging bastards

Is it me or is the Matt Smith look coming in? That's the second bow tie and jacket ensamble on a skinny bloke I've spotted this month. Ok I'm only jealous cause I can't pull off a bow tie myself. Anyhoo, today has been quite a foggy day, which is rather uninteresting save for the fact that I haven't seen such thick fog in years and it was quite eerie to walk out in to. There was certainly fog on the Tyne this morning alright!

Well there was a big OMG today as I stubbled upon a new Blaze Bayley video! I had no idea they had released material on vid from the new album, and it's great to see Blaze not giving up on the British Heavy Metal thing. My first ever rock concert was at the Corp in Sheffield to see Blaze, just after he broke with Maiden. While not the most crazy concert I'd been to (that award goes to Megadeth - biggest circle mosh I'd seen, ever!), being my first I was completely buzzing, and moshed so hard I couldn't hold my neck up the next day!



I got to say thanks to Blaze for the concert when I met him a few years ago, he politely nodded and I don't think he heard what I said, but it was nice to give thanks for such an awesome time. I personally don't think Blaze has topped his first album, Silicon Messiah (God I wonder if my old Silicon Messiah fansite is still knocking about in cyberspace?) but he's still flying the flag for British Heavy Metal when most bands are either moving on or doing it retro styleee, so that holds much awesomeness. Listening to that takes me back to my old bedroom, first moving out of home, doing my early comics, watching WhirlGirl, and of course, Brucey came back to Iron Maiden, which is no bad thing.

I also started on my Deviantart again this week, although it only has one picture up (the Sixth Doctor one) but it's a start. Hopefully I'll get round to lots more soon and may even try Entervoid if I can think up of a decent enough character.

WOO!

It took me a few hours and a good lot of helpful comments from the guys at the Gallifrey Base forums (thanks peeps) but I managed to nail quite a good Colin/Sixth Doctor likeness. I'm happy with the way it turned out, considering my paint skills are rusty, and how the coat patterns look fabricy without looking poopie next to the bold colours. The real joy though has been messing round with good old india ink again, which I think gets a better result with my work than computer inking.



A bigger version is here

I have some quiet time, it being 5 in the morning, on this day, being my birthday, so I thought a brief blog was in order. I woke this morning with my mind racing a it always seems to do, on a variety of subjects, some practicle, some not so. It only occured to me that it was my birthday when I rolled over to grab my texts. I had not been avoiding thinkking about the oncoming day, I suppose it just slipped my mind. I should kick myself for thinking like this, having observed so many other folk so rapacious for attention at such times, I find my own addled ego deviod of such desires but perhaps that is more just part of my conditioning than of any less of an ego. Who knows, or indeed cares...

I had on Saturday my first birthday party in about 20 years (thank you Andy and Donty!) I found myself in a room half filled with friends and half with complete strangers. When it came round to presents and blowing out candles, I found to my amazement just how relaxed I felt, at previous times when in recipt of such attention I'd more than likely slip in to a panic attack (terrible things). However things went swimmingly, although the attention was diverted to Adam also, who was celebrating his birthday at the party as well. This was good and perhaps something I can take on to my 32nd year, hopefully a life less afflicted with anxiety. Perhaps a good present to myself for my 32nd.

The revelries continue tonight with the annual work night out, which in previous years has been quite daunting considering, while I didn't particularly dislike them, I didn't have great relationships with many of my co-workers. In recent times, however, we've had an influx of some amazing characters in the store and it has made working there quite fun, so I approach tonight will less trepidation.


This week has also saw me purchase my first action figure in a while. Considering the size of my current collection (mostly Masters of the Universe), and the size of the storage place I have, it is probably not the best idea to get in to another range, however I feel it has been a while since a decent action figure series has been produced and definately a while since I have felt the notion of buying one. The range comes from the new Batman cartoon, "the Brave and the Bold", which I really enjoyed and which has produced a toy range which appeals to what I would hope to achieve given that my franchise ever flourishes. I purchased my favourite character from the series, Aquaman, who had recieved quite a cool update on his personality in the cartoon considering the inconsistant developments which had come in previous years in the comics. In a time when some action figures are so decorated they resemble ornaments, it is delightful to see this simple design in such modern figures, vivid colours and more streamlined than cluttered, patchy paintjobs and over-detailedness. I like this Aquaman, as much as I liked Justice Leagues reinvention of John Stewart/Green Lantern, however such reinventions don't seem to make it to the comics, where their characters seem under developed compaired. I hovered over other figures, especially Bats himself and the Red Tornado, and may pick them up money permitting.


I also managed to grab a listen to the new Tom Baker Doctor Who audio which I believe have just finished their run (better late than never!) Starting at chapter one, which I'm told is a good a place as any to start, I found myself quite taken by an older Tom, compaired to the nonchalant Tom from the TV series. Unable to utilise his charismatic smile and comedy eyes in audio form, we are left with the audiable delicacy that is Toms silky voice as he part acts and part narrates the new adventures. Bereft of such physical treats which delighted audiences when Tom was the screen Doctor, the script utilises Toms style of humour to enamour us to the character once more. One almost feels an amalgamation of his time as a Time Lord and that of his tenure on Little Britain has occured, and it is, I feel, of benefit to the new Who. I have very little to criticise about the audio, except the villain appears quite lightweight however I realise I am just beginging the story and there are 4 more to go. The narrative approach could be perhaps it's achilies heel to any listener more accostumed to the rollicking adventures he used to be in, and for some part there does seem a more subdued approach here, however it makes a delightful change to see such an alteration in the format of Doctor Who, which I'm never adverse to.

Dragon Age Origins continues to be the main game I indulge in at the moment, although I don't find it tedious, perhaps I just find it too lightweight and I can't find myself completely sucked in to it, although its a very pretty game. Having just played through a irksome level of the 'Sloth Demon' I found the only real challenge to be a rather scary Ogre who bettered my attacks, until I realised I could splash the git with acid. Delightful! I will play it through to the end but I have to say, the new Mario game is calling to me more...

I was delighted to see that TNA Wrestling was being broadcast on terrestrial television, having no satellite TV for a while I had missed out on years of, what is essentially, a soap for blokes. Having been a fan of pro wresting since a kid, loving the characters, one-on-one competition and plenty of chunky men to oggle, it took me to attempt the 'sport entertainment' myself, although I only recieved the training and never managed to actually do a show. I had hoped to be as colourful a character as Hulk Hogan, who I despised as a kid but after his return a few years ago and the illusions of the sport lifted from innocent eyes I actually liked him, and appreciated him as a businessman as well. My training was cut short as I had to move from Sheffield at the time where I was being fast tracked through the process as, being a big lad, they preferred me to the young squirts who perhaps had more talent, but lacked size. However what I return to in modern day wrestling is, while more athletic and energetic than ever before, seems rather lackluster compaired to the 80's and 90's. Now the emphasis is on 'attitude' and in-ring athletic shows, there is a blurred line between good and evil, which is the intrinsic philosophy behind a wrestling match. I find having caught what I can of WWE on youtube, Randy Orton (as much as I dislike the sod) is the only wrestler epitomising the bad guy these days. With the return of Hulk Hogan imminent to TNA I think I'll make an effort to watch the show, however other things lure me in also, one being the inclusion of Alex Shelley from the Motor City Machineguns tag team on the TNA roster =D



Ha1 ^_^

Well my sleeping pattern has went to shit, I'd like to blame the nightshift I did on the weekend but I think it's more down to my mind racing as it does, so much to do and only one lifetime to do it in, etc...

I managed to venture out on to the gay scene this weekend for the first time in yonks. For those of the homosexual persuasion, the gay scene is something many have an experience of, and subsequently an opinion on. I personally applaud any culture in recent times which finds the openness of mind to have such establishments, considering the oppression of yesteryear. I do, however, feel that such things are generated by this modern mindset of the segeregational attitude of society which demarcates people by their sexual preference, an attitude no less propagated by the predominant functionalist paradigm inherent in the Western way of life. In that sense I would much rather just see a more general relaxed attitude to homosexuality across the board.

I'm not up on my gay history, but I'd assume at one point the term was utilised to highlight those who pursued same-sex couplings. I think recently, however, there has been such a culture erected around the word that there has been a move from definition, to character base. That is 'gay' is not just a defining term, but a word of power which people utilise to behave in a certain way. In such a sense I mean while people would perhaps once remark, 'I am gay because I do this', now perhaps it is more 'I am gay, therefore I can do this'. The cultural connotations attached to the word cannot be divorced from it, and perhaps have added to the more fun aspects of gay lifestyle, the most important (not to the concept, but to observe) is the relaxing of the masculine/feminine roles once so entrenched in society. I observe on any night out in gaysville a large amount of emasculinated men (I use the term emasculinated in a term meaning lacking masculinity, not in the negative sense the dictionary may offer, as I believe there is strength in femininity). However such femininity displayed by the men seemed exaggerated, almost to the point where some were attempting to use it to display their sexuality in light of their being no other visible attributes one could display save a show of sex itself. Even women aren't that OTT! In a way it was painful to watch, but who am I to judge what works for these people?

Anyhoo, this does mean that the term 'gay' is associated with such and to take the bar I entered on the weekend as a rough example, we had what I'd expect passes as typified gay entertainment, a plethora or drag queens, a cabaret singer belting out last nights X-factor tunes (I assume), and to top it off a boy band...! As the entertainment finished, the ever present dance music blasted over the sound systems, which I'd assume is to lure people in to a club mood (so as to continue spending money in such clubs). And of course we can do this, we can enjoy this 'because we're gay'. It was amusing, I suppose, to see this, but 'camp' itself I think exists in the same way 'gay' does, and camp humour occurs because men are supposed to act/dress in a certain way. I concluded that I was observing a rather transtionary period (ok, what culture isn't in transition, I know) in gay lifestyle, with the functionalist paradigm still apparent and humorously mocked, and perhaps moving on it's way to a lifestyle which celebrates liberation from conservative norms.

Onwards, but upwards? What surprises me most with such a setting is the lack of camaraderie which occurs under the 'gay' banner. I do not delude myself to the reasons why such folk congregate in such establishments. However, considering the not-too-recent past of oppression, I'm left wondering why there is no reference to this anymore, no time for reflection or sense of unity considering such a short time has elapsed since those days. It seems gays have taken their freedom and ran with it, the psychic prisons of the past are no longer an issue and we move towards an ever more liberated time. Liberation to what? Dionysus reawakening? Perhaps in our (post) modern times there is no other way we can go (and with my distain for the atomistic, apathetic modern West perhaps that is a good thing, for me). Anyway any attempts at my favourite pub pastime, that of barstool philosophy, failed, not only to an audience more concerned with who they may pull that night, or what tune they will dance too, but to a rather loud sound system which stifled conversation. Perhaps this just isn't the place for what I'm looking for, but I'd hate to think I was so reserved I couldn't enjoy it, however those whole thing just seemed to fall in too one big cliché, and I run from clichés. I think for now I'll stick with my Tuesday night pub quiz =D

December gallops by and soon approaches my 32nd year on the planet. I'm trying to find something interesting about the number so it gives me some kind of onus on giving power to my 32nd year, however I'm mainly just glad I'm over the 30th year which was a mental milestone. I'll finish University within this year and have achieved one of my goals, which will hopefully put me in better standing for a job, all being well and the recession lifts, and will give me some time to develop a relationship which is something I put on the burner for a while. Other goals include my franchise which I'd love to see succeed. Considering the utter pap that makes it in to modern mainstream media (such as Code Lyoko) I have lots of faith people will like my ideas, however the avenues are obscure to me at this time but it's still a good time to get my initial concepts cemented. My main concern has been, well ok costume design for my main heroes (they have to be iconic) but also a decent enough storyline which incorporates a new motivation for a modern day hero. The driven-by-vengeance theme appeals very little to me, so too any Christian aspects inherant in American comic books, and I want to incorporate a little of the philosophy I had learned from my time at Uni in the stories. Hegel will almost certainly feature, and perhaps in contrast, Marx. But it's still all up in the air and the most important thing to me will be getting back talking to and collaberating with artists around the world.

Speaking of art I had moved on with some samples of the Sixth Doctor in an attempt to secure his likeness for my comic book. With time restraints I fear I wont be able to ink the whole comic by photoshop, or do excessive shadowing, and the colouring will be pretty basic compaired to what I can do with photoshop (and I will have no time to do the multi-coloured beauty that is the Doctor's coat, so the 'Real Time' coat will have to do), but it's the story I really want to get out there, which I hope will entertain and show new ways of using the Who universe. I find many people's adherance to 'canon' stifelling, and the onus on maintaining certain aspects of the show quite baffelling considering the scope Doctor Who gives a writer. Anyhow I feel I'm getting there with the likeness...